Anger In The Body

And it's Nuance and Complexity

It’s taken me a long time to write this blog. I avoided it like I avoid the anger in me. I avoid anger because the outbursts can feel reckless and too overwhelming to process. Most of the time, I don’t understand why I am angry, which makes me even more mad. Other times, I will feel intense anger toward something relatively minor, and the emotion doesn’t fit the scene. Over the past few years, I have been learning to dance with it, challenge it, and funnel my anger productively.

Gestalt theory encourages me to look closely at the part of myself I am resisting. In this case, it is  the part of me that is a latent volcano of anger, waiting to erupt. Fritz Pearl - the founder of Gestalt - wrote extensively about aggression as an essential outlet for human self-regulation and expansion. It is a vital force that can help us move through trauma and increase vitality.

Anger is brought about by the crossing of a boundary. This emotion helped us evolve by giving us bursts of energy to fight off enemies, be they animal, enemy, or tyranny. In addition, it has kept us safe psychologically. The angry scream lets the friend, bully, or family member who has crossed your boundary know that they should think twice…or else. Anger can be a fortress that we build around ourselves to keep us safe.

The trouble is, in the same way I reject my anger, anger is often shamed at the cultural level. Men, in particular, earn the “asshole” label with even the slightest expression of anger.  While there are plenty of actual assholes out there, the ease with which we shame and pathologize male anger is counterproductive, often having consequences like the widespread emasculation of men in our culture. Rather than dimming a man’s aggressive flame with shame and shushing, can we redirect that energy into something useful?

Men I work with, like myself, often struggle with not knowing the source of their anger. They wonder what they’re even angry about in the first place.

I think there’s plenty to be angry about, and these sources are not always obvious. Our identities, principles, and virtue are absorbed from unreliable sources. Social media is ubiquitous and artificial.  It’s nearly impossible to distill what’s real. The education system is archaic and politically motivated. The government is power-hungry and greedy. I’m painting a bleak picture, but fuck it, I’m angry about it!

What are you fighting for? It’s an important inquiry. If you don’t get clear on that question, you’re vulnerable to being influenced by the next 30-second doom scrolling, fear-mongering video that media wants to throw at you. These people who get paid to hijack our attention aren’t aloof to the repressed anger inside you. They know it’s there and are waiting to exploit it.

This is where the emasculation and shaming of men becomes dangerous. The more typically physically dominating and emotionally aggressive gender has been tamed and made easy to control. It’s not a conspiracy theory that basic human rights and common moral courtesies are slowly being stripped from the common man and woman. It’s become blatant. And those who can’t see this happen are either confused or willfully ignorant, in my angry opinion. But instead of being mad about these things, it’s easier to get angry at something that feels more attainable, like being misgendered or watching our favorite sports team lose.

When our anger feels too enormous to handle, it can bubble over into road rage, strained relationships, even self-loathing.

Traditional Rites

I have been really curious about boys’ rites of passage lately. These rituals happen at periods in a man’s life to challenge them into the next step of their lifelong evolution. After the challenge, which is typically an adventure that involves risk and is done alone, the man is welcomed back into the community, acknowledged as a new person. These rituals were prevalent in indigenous traditions as well as Celtic and ancient Greek communities. There is still some semblance of these in modern day, but they have become watered down and less courageous. Void of the natural rite to be challenged as a man, we repress our aggression and it comes out sideways as a drinking problem or divorce.

In 2020, during a fit of existential anger, I left everything and moved from California to the mountains of North Carolina. I left my work, home, family and friends in my dust. I did this because I was fed up with my old life. Too many boundaries were crossed. I needed a rite of passage to challenge my character and funnel my aggression toward a new version of myself. That anger also drove me off social media and news media, away from Netflix, and into researching fringe topics that feel rooted and real like natural law and biblical principles.

Two and a half years later, I am slowly coming to understand what I am fighting for, and what drove me to this new version of myself. Sovereignty, Health, Truth, Integrity, Fulfillment, God, and Purpose are all becoming pillars of what I fight for, and therefore what I get angry about.

While reading this, maybe you have disagreed with what I’ve said and/or it has triggered your own anger in some way. Look into it. What boundary did I cross? And who made those boundaries? Something objectively true or the contrived truth of our modern world.

The only place to look for that anger is right there in your body…SO GO BACK TO IT, DAMN IT!!!