Breathing in The Void
What happens when we allow what comes to us in life's most uncomfortable moments.
Those who have worked with me in a Gestalt setting know that I like to let things linger. After they have discovered a profound insight, identified a sense of discomfort, or paused to reflect on a long monologue about the chaos in their life, I will often let them sit with this thing that has sprung up in their awareness. This moment allows inquirers to be with what’s before them while noticing how their body is feeling in that moment.
“Breathe into that,” I’ll say. They’ll close their eyes and do the breaths we’ve practiced. Then one eye usually peeks open as if to look at me as if to say, “That’s it? Just breathe?” By looking to me for the answer - as if I have any clue how to solve the riddle of their life - they stop short.
I was lost in my own chaos once when a friend gave me simple advice I’ll never forget. She said, “Feel your way.” A seasoned gestalt inquirer can sit with that breath until they find what their body is trying to tell them is next in their expression process. They trust that their bodies will reveal what is behind the insight, the emotion, the chaos.
“Feel your way” is a far cry from our modern addiction to the quick fix. We like to fill the void before the void has an opportunity to fill itself. The modern world loves to hand out our diagnosis, our pill, what we should do, where we went wrong, our terrifying news headline, the junk food, an answer in the textbook, the social media post, the next thing we should buy, and on and on forever. It offers hollow answers to deep questions. In doing so, it ‘protects’ us from the void.
Sure, it can be scary, but also exciting. The void is the leading edge of your creation. If you let someone or something else fill that void, then they are creating for you. You are letting others paint on your canvas. The void is where I find my muse, God, growth, and gentle nudges from the universe.
“Act boldly and unseen forces will come to your aide”
The same people who would paint your canvas with stuff, shoulds, and quick fixes will tell you that life is hard. I don’t agree. While I’m all about fulfilling challenges, I don’t think life has to be a struggle. If we all chose to follow our agency, maybe life could flow.
One of the basic tenets of Gestalt philosophy is that we are self-organizing and self-healing. Gestalt calls it our ‘agency,’ the force that is always orienting us toward our highest good. I’m coming to recognize that when I am in tune with this agency, it’s river flows fast. Unseen forces come to my aid. Momentum towards my life purpose starts to unfold.
It was on a simple hunch – a nudge from the universe – that I up and moved to the other side of the country. It was a difficult decision. I left everything and started over right in the middle of the Covid scenario. I left my professional acting career, my family, the place I grew up, my comfort zone. I remember feeling sheer terror after canceling my lease in Oceanside and booking a flight to Asheville. I knew one person in Asheville and had no solid plans of what to do for work. I even asked a couple weeks later if my Oceanside landlord would have me back.
A year and a half later, I can see how the move to Asheville was one of the best decisions of my life. It was not without challenges and emotional turmoil, but it was all worth it. Everything I wanted and needed flowed to me so fast in Asheville that it was almost too much to bear. The sudden abundance from the universe crashed into my falsely held ideas that good things need to be hard-earned, and that life doesn’t answer to hunches. Early on in that quick flow of momentum, I had a hard time receiving. It took everything in my power to trust my internal compass that was pointing me toward my highest good.
I’m not trying to paint a picture of a fairy tale. Not every intuitive jump will pan out. In 2018, I moved to Montreal on a hunch. In just four months, I crashed and burned. I learned a lot from falling on my face. I dusted myself off and started again. And that mattered. I got it wrong, so that with the next jump, I could get it right. Try as we might, we will never get it done. We never arrive. We are always discerning what to do next.
It took me about three months of sitting, thinking, and feeling to book the flight to Asheville. It took three months after moving to Asheville before I started trusting the path. I wrestled with my void, sometimes playfully and sometimes not, but I practiced sitting and breathing into it. (By the way, how connected are you to your breath lately? You know, that thing that keeps you alive!?)
I’m giving you permission to use your agency to choose what’s next. Sit with your void, breathe, and listen to what is there in your moment. Sure, others can help guide your agency, but they ought never get the final say. The brush is in your hands. So paint, make a mess, and paint again. The life you want begins when you follow your agency. My gut tells me that the clues of your agency are somewhere in your body. Start there.
I am a certified Gestalt Facilitator. I invite you to try this therapeutic practice.